The Big Deal With First-Born Sons

Abu Ashraf means Father of Ashraf, his first-born son.
Umm Fahd (pronounced Fahad) means Mother of Fahd, her first-born son.

It's funny how Arab parents lose their names as soon as the first son is born. But, when you're a sheikh, you're still called a sheikh. Lucky fellow!

In every culture, there is a significant bearing to the father when his wife bears a son. This concept dates back in biblical times. The first-born son is believed to have the blood flowing purest and strongest in them. They belong to God. This is also why the first born in cattles are sacrificed as an offering to God. The very reason having a son is such a big deal is because of this belief and it is so ingrained in our subconscious that it is practically true in every country or culture.

Attached to being the first-born son are privileges based on this concept. They have the greatest share in paternal love. They are next to the father in every way. They hold a certain authority over the younger siblings. They get extra special blessings at their father's death. They automatically succeed their father as the next head of the family. They even get double portion of blessings among their younger brothers.

As a woman, thank God this is not always true anymore!

What happens when the first born is a girl? Well, nothing really. She will not have the same privileges as the first born son. At best, she'll be considered the first bundle of joy. Because, when she comes of age, she'll marry a man and she will be duty-bound to her husband. All the privileges will come to waste. It is very reasonable when you think about it. But, with some traditions dying over time, empowered women rose above the social issue of gender bias by fighting for women's rights. This paved the way of equality among men and women.

Still, it is amazing how this prehistoric concept has remnants of practice at this day and age. Great value is still attached to first-born sons. In countries that still have ruling families like England, Spain and even UAE, the first born son inherits the title of ruler or king. And specially with Arab people, parents get new names as soon as the first son becomes part of the family. Of course, they still write their real names in the forms but among Arabs, they are called differently. And I guess having a son is such a great honor to a family that they want to announce to everyone that hey, this Mum & Dad got a son!

The Cheating Hyena In Sheep's Skin

There's a dishonest Indian guy in True Fit Tailoring & Emb. tailoring shop near where I live in Abu Shagara, Sharjah. Whenever I need some trousers or shirt altered, I go to that shop. Today, I had two sleeveless blouses that needed alteration. The manager was there and I was quoted properly (at Dhs 5 a piece) and given a receipt.

The first time I went there was May this year. I asked how much they charge to alter clothes and this Indian guy said Dhs 5 per piece. I went back after probably a month and a half with four pairs of trousers. When I was about to pay, he said it was changed to Dhs 10 each. So, I tried to negotiate and we reached Dhs 7 each. I paid it in full and asked for a receipt. He said he can't give me one. I asked him how was I supposed to claim my trousers without a receipt? So, he gave me a business card and wrote that I fully paid for the four trousers and I could claim after 2 days. I insisted on getting a copy of the receipt but he said I'll get one when I claim the trousers. I came back after two days, got my trousers and asked for a receipt. This time, he said first-time customers don't get a receipt. What the fudge is that??

Well, the second time I needed trousers altered, my friend and I connived to outsmart this Indian guy. We both went to the shop but she came in alone and empty. I waited outside with the items. Sure enough, the Indian guy quoted alterations at Dhs 5 per piece. Then she got the trousers from me, came back in and paid in full. Oh, how sweet!

The next time I had trousers for alteration again, it was my friend who went there. When she goes there, she's not being overcharged...and she gets a receipt!

I suspect that, that Indian guy overcharges people when he is alone in the shop. The first time I had my trousers altered, he was alone. Just today, when I came in he was with the owner.

Tsk, tsk. To think that the Muslims' holy month of Ramadan just finished. Had he instantly forgotten to be good? Next time I come in there, I'll only give my items when there are other people around.

What The Fudge!?!

Today is my fiance's birthday and it upsets me that we are in the middle of a misunderstanding that sprung from my decision to embrace Christianity.



What is it about religion (or the lack of belief in it) that makes people self-righteous? No matter who I talked to who has a different faith, they totally believe with their whole mind and spirit that they are in the right.

By what standard or known yard stick is it measured that makes it right? I had a friend who told me that it is useless to talk about religion because nobody wins. I don't judge or find it offensive when someone has a different faith than mine. If we came from a different culture and we grew up in a different environment, then it is but natural that we will have a different set of beliefs. I have no right to condemn someone just because they believe differently. This calls for deeper understanding and a wider perspective of things.

No religion teaches people to do wrong or harm anyone. Individuals choose to do what they want or what they believe they need to do even if it is not according to their faith. Self-righteousness prevents people from admitting their social responsibility and accountability. Pride blinds people from seeing the bare truth.

We are equipped with minds and we were born with an innate sense of goodness. We have freedom to choose and therefore we should choose wisely. Our choices dictate the outcome, not religion. It is crucial that before we make decisions, we have to think of the consequences. We are responsible to our own self and to the people around us. It is irresponsible to think that the people around us are only our family, our neighborhood, our friends, and our colleagues at work. The people around us also encompasses neighboring nations and the rest of the world. This doesn't mean we should be compelled to do something about it when we don't have the means. It only means we have to consider them and if we can be of help, then we should help them.

Religion is not supposed to make anyone feel guilty or oppressed. It is a guide on how to live our life and how to live it with others. Religion does not dictate our actions. It serves as a guide on how to act if we want to do the right thing. It is still our choice to do what is right or wrong. Is there a religion that tells us not to choose wisely?

The natural calamities happening in this world does not stem from religion. They occur naturally. Religion does not run the course on how the world moves, how the trees grow, how volcanoes erupt, etc. When such disasters happen, what do we do? Do we not help others if we are spared from harm? Do we not try to recover if we are the one suffering? People who won battles against cancer or disabilities become inspiration to people who are struggling to recover. If there are no such people, where can we get the inspiration? It is irresponsible to blame religion on this. Our thoughts control our emotions. The more we feed negativity to it, the more we will feel worse.

Wars and violent attacks are man-made, including extortion of money from poor people. No religion teaches war nor cheat our fellowmen. People hide behind their religions to justify their cause. It is ignorance of our Holy Book (be it the Bible, or Koran, etc) that sways us from doing what is wise, right and just. Man twist the words and their meaning to achieve their goals. We should use our minds and our conscience before we accept the words of others. We have to be responsible!

Unfortunate events are opportunities of inspiration. To obtuse people, they are simply meaningless events and they conveniently blame religion.

I think it is high time for people to fully grasp what they believe in before making a stand. Respect other peoples' choices instead of throwing insults to something you cannot even fathom. It is futile. Grow up and extend your minds further than your beliefs! Personally, I acknowledge God and I accept Christ in my life so I stand for Christiantiy. Please respect my belief as I respect yours.

Life-Altering Words

I'm sure we all had our moments when we finally say "Aha!" to that elusive thought that kept nagging our consciousness. Some of us would even feel a liberating rush of enlightenment. Mine happened last night at my friend's house after three years of soul-searching.

When I was 28 yrs old, I realized that something was wrong with me and it was crucial that I identify it. Without it, I'd be incomplete. I knew this for a fact because I cannot seem to "connect" with everything around me. I felt so detached that I did a self-audit on myself. I realized that I don't react to situations as any normal human being. At work, my colleagues got excited when we won a pitch and I only felt relieved. My friend got married and it was a very joyous occasion. I struggled expressing my happines for her and I ended up pretending I was elated for her. My aunt who practically raised me and my brothers and sisters died and I felt indifferent when I should've been woeful of the loss.

I felt like a zombie. No feelings at all and I didn't know why. It bothered me and I psyscho-analyzed myself. I still didn't know why.

I went through the motions of living and met Vivien Mangalindan two years later. She became my life coach. She tried to heal me until I got stuck and couldn't move on from there. There was that missing thing that was blocking me from being my authentic self. She sensed that it exists and she persevered to help me identify it. I still couldn't remember. She thought I was molested during my childhood and was just too ashamed to admit it but I know I was never molested and deep inside, I know that's just not it. At least, her help made me a much better person and who knew better in life. But it was not complete.

After a year, I attended the Landmark Education series. It pointed out how badly I needed to release that baggage that was hindering me from moving forward. I tried my best. I made peace with my family and my ex-boyfriend, I tried to say "I love you" to people I care about (never mind that it felt really awkward), I forgave myself for my shortcomings, and I forgave others for the wrong they have done to me. I tried to remember all the "baggages" so I could let go of them. I desired for that total freedom. But that elusive one thing kept stopping me. I know I've improved personally after my period with Vivien and much better after the Landmark Education. Still, it was not complete.

Two years ago, I had the opportunity to work in Dubai and I grabbed that chance. I thought I'll be okay since I started feeling connected with people...not as much as I know I should be because sometimes I pretend to feel but, off I went.

Last night was my Eureka! moment. And my gosh, it was just a magnificent awakening! I participated in this activity organized by born-again Christians of Victory Fellowship called "Experiencing Victory." The leader of my cell group, Mary Anne, prepared me and my friend Vanessa to this activity through Bible study. We did the last step at Vanessa's house. I chose to participate because I was yearning for the truth and I was open to take whatever avenue was before me. I believe that all things happen for a reason and every circumstance is an opportunity for learning.

Part of the activity was to identify everything what they call curses in one's life. We even had a checklist to help us identify them. After identifying each, we prayed for forgiveness to all of them. Vanessa felt her liberation from all these evil things. I couldn't get the same feeling. I confessed this to Mary Anne. There was still something blocking me and I couldn't identify it. I told her that it has been stopping me for the past three years! She tried to help me remember but I just couldn't so she said that before going to bed, I meditate on Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Then we prayed to God for forgiveness and blessings. She urged me to pray to God to reveal what it was that was blocking me. I was so focused on my prayer and ignored the tears that were streaming down my face. Then, it was my friend's turn to say hers and while she was saying her prayers, God suddenly helped me realize what it was that was blocking me.



I had to laugh because I almost ruined myself with a vow I made when I was in Grade 1. I vowed to never cry again. Thank you, God, for having pity on me and finally revealing what it was that was preventing me to be the person You want me to be!

The memory of my childhood came rushing back. When I was little, I cried easily. I remember that sometimes I cried for no apparent reason. One time when I was in kindergarten, my Mom dropped me off at the playhouse and handed me to my teacher. They talked a bit and then she started to leave. I followed her and the teacher followed me. I didn't want my Mom to leave me. I saw her got out through the gate and I followed her until the teacher stopped me at the gate. She told me to stay and that I shouldn't worry because my Mom will pick me up afterwards. So, I stayed and sat on the steps watching my Mom got smaller and smaller the farther she went away. I started crying even though I knew she loves me and will come back for me.

The defining moment was when I was in Grade 1 and I was sitting at the yellow octagon table with my classmates. I was very scared and so I started to cry. One of the girls got irritated and asked me why I kept crying and told me to just stop it. I knew that I had to because there was no reason for me to cry. So, I willed myself to stop crying and made a vow to never cry again. I even imagined stamping that vow to my heart to always remember to never shed a tear.

I didn't cry until my first boyfriend died and the loss was just so devastating that I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I was 27 yrs old.

I've trained myself so well to keep that promise. As a child, I unknowingly took on the consequences of becoming emotion-less. Through the years, it hardened my heart until I became unfeeling and devoid of emotions. Mary Anne said that my heart became callous. Vanessa added that probably weeds started to grow on it! It is such a sad picture to imagine of a human heart capable of loving to snuff the life out of it. How naive I was to let myself get ruined this way.

It was no surprise to me then why I am not happy with my writings. I wrote a testimonial for my dear friend Vanessa because I think her life is one inspiring story. I told her about this. I also told her I'll let her read it when I'm ready because I know that there's something missing in it. I wanted everyone who will read it to feel moved and inspired with her story but how could that be when it didn't even create an impact on me when I read it? Now, I know why!

As a believer of God's words, my soul was saved from further destruction. I am so deeply touched by God's love to open my heart and my eyes. He let me see things with sunlight clarity when He made me realize why I felt so detached to life around me.

I never thought that simple negative words could have a life-long impact and one that could bring devastating effects.

So, be careful with the words you utter. A simple "You're stupid!" is already a curse you've bestowed on your fellow human being and whether you realize it or not, you have a hand on preventing that person from reaching his/her full potential to perform his/her divine purpose in life.